We all love
our companions madly, but unfortunately, their life spans are much shorter than
our own. My wife has come to the realization that she must soon part with her
faithful companion of many years. The thought of separation makes her sad as
she searched for a long time for this companion and for her it was the perfect
choice—not too big and not too small—just right. Now that it’s nearing the end
of its life she’s sad, not just for the loss but also knowing that she’ll have
to replace it. After all, a woman must carry a handbag. It’s in the code.
We’ve been
married for about 20 years and I believe that over that time period my wife has
purchased about 5-6 new handbags each year (Grand Total = 100-120 ish). We have
coat racks and storage bins overflowing with handbags. Surplus bags go so
frequently to Deseret Industries that our address is written with a Sharpie on
the dashboards of their donation pickup trucks. Over that same period I’ve had two wallets—a
black elk-skin beauty that also held my checkbook (from when people still wrote
checks) and a brown leather bi-fold. They hold money and credit cards. When
people quit taking and writing checks I replaced the black wallet with a
smaller brown one which I still use..
Luckily, none
of the hundred or more handbags purchased by my wife over the last 20 years were
“handcrafted of sumptuous embossed monogramed
Empreinte leather with luxurious ornate handles.” More likely they are made
of “faux leather with silver-tone
hardware” sewn in Asian sweatshops and purchased from the clearance rack.
When they prove “un-suitable” they go to goodwill (tax deductible!)
So, what
makes for a perfect handbag? Apparently it’s a secret known only to women but according
to Google, a perfect handbag is:
- A most loyal BFF
- More important than shoes (this was not written by handcart pioneers)
- An illusion worth chasing
- A Friend for Life
- Indispensable
- An essential wardrobe piece
- One that can be lovingly gazed at time and time again (my favorite)
- Clutch (similar to my elk-skin wallet—holds cards and money)
- Small Tablet and smartphone
- ChapStick and Lipstick (easily accessible)
- Small bag containing band-aids, aspirin, two nail files, breath strips, utility tool, and cough drops.
- Car keys
- Pencil
- More Breath strips
- Feminine stuff
- Cough drops
- $1.78 in loose change
- Nothing of Mine
So, if I was
listening attentively, everything on the above list and more must fit into a
stylish, slim, sexy, and serviceable handbag. It took nineteen years to find
this one. I’m hoping the next “right one” comes along sooner. To paraphrase
Kayteejay46, “if bags were men, my wife would be a loose woman having short
term relationships with bags which appear at first glance to have all she needs
only to discover they’re not up to scratch and are unable to meet her modest
needs.” However, unlike men, unsuitable bags can be given over to goodwill
without any legal entanglements.
Wish us luck
in the search. According to some handbag finder website, my perfect handbag is
the “Longchamp LM Packable Nylon Tote”. Somehow
I think it will be harder for Ms. Wonderful. I’m just hoping she can do it in
less than 120 bags. J
No comments:
Post a Comment